How much of your self-talk is negative? Do you have a running internal commentary about what you say, do, think? How many times each day do you say something to yourself like “You stupid idiot!”?
Are you even aware of your self-talk? When I first became a Vistage Chair, I attended a workshop by a senior Chair, Susan Scott, on how to hold one-to-one coaching sessions. One of the most interesting things she suggested was to write down the running internal commentary we had about the conversation we were having with someone else. She suggested making notes in the margin of our notebook and referring to it as we talked. That way we would not lose the thought and at the same time not interrupt the other person. It turns out that the running commentary can be very wise and helpful.
So our internal running commentary can be negative towards ourselves at the same time that it is wise and positive towards other people. Since it happens below the surface of our awareness, choosing to pay attention, to create awareness, may make this a new and positive tool to better understand and integrate our conscious and subconscious selves.
How would you do it? First, catch yourself in your dialogue. Reflect regularly during the day about your thoughts. Ask yourself “What do I think about what I just did/said?” Was my self-talk useful and positive? If yes, give yourself a verbal high five. If it is negative, reframe it in a more positive way. You may be experiencing emotions about the conversation that you were not aware of. Pay attention to those feelings. How do you honor those feelings and use them to guide you to a better conversation.
When you consciously reflected on your self-talk, you will tap into your internal wisdom, your emotions and your running commentary in a way that will inform you, challenge you and give you the opportunity to become an integrated whole. Be encouraging to yourself. Don’t judge. You are doing the best you can in this moment. And with greater awareness, you can do even better.
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